'Hmm, bit of a tachycardia here Julian, probably due to the head injury. Better get the neurosurgeons on the phone.'

Despite the authoritative tone of your voice Julian goes wide-eyed, as if his ex-boyfriend has just walked past the window and storms out of the room.

Seconds later he is back, with Dr. Smug B'Stard, departmental smartarse-and-proud-of-it in tow.

'Dr. B'Stard' feigns Julian, 'please, please remove this "doctor" from my sight. I'm coming over all peculiar just listening to all this nonsense.'

'OK Julian, don't panic, I'm in control of the situation' oozes B'Stard. Turning to you he gives you his most patronizing look - 'if you run you might just catch the Shock lecture on that Paediatric Study Day - could be useful.'