family presence

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Ron,
 
Well written and right on the mark as usual. 
 
Steve Smith 
 
-----Original Message-----
From: Ronald Gross <Rgross at harthosp.org>
To: trauma-list at trauma.org
Sent: Wed, 29 Jun 2005 08:20:26 -0400
Subject: Re: family presence


Yes Lee, Cathy was the singularly most amazing person I ever knew - thank you 
for your thoughts.  She too knew that this question was an individually decided 
one, but she and I had our feelings aligned when it came to OUR wishes.  While I 
am convinced that families should not be present in the acute setting (ie codes) 
I DO believe that family members shoudl be present to be with, and if possible, 
to comfort the dying loved one.  Having said that, I have begged family NOT to 
go into the resus suite when the injuries are so disfiguring so as to distort 
the memories of the family members for years - and perhaps forever.  Better to 
remember the loved one as he/she was - healthy, happy and alive, and not to bear 
witness to the carnage of multiple trauma that we all have come to shrug off by 
necessity, just to survive the emotional price that we ALL pay with each case.  
You are right - the humor in the TRU is as times "sick" according to the lay 
perspective.  But if it keeps us from "burning out" and if it keeps us 
functioning up to our highest abilities, so be it.  We need just to keep it 
quiet, and never loose the respect for those that are the object of the 
"humor".......

>>> creedyrniam at sbcglobal.net 6/29/2005 2:35:16 AM >>>
i have not jumped into this conversation because i am of a mixed mind...ron, my 
sympathies, your wife sounds like she was one great lady...we do not routinely 
allow families into our resus, and from most families' reactions in our area of 
practice, that is probably a good thing...however, i feel that this is a case by 
case call...i am not sure what my reaction would be...as a healthcare provider, 
i feel i could keep some distance, but if it was my mom or dad, or child, or 
spouse, could i really keep that distance?  yes, i am aware of the indignities 
of codes, and that in and of itself probably wouldn't bother me...but if i were 
there, would i urge the team to go on and on and on?  if it were my child, i bet 
i would...if it were my parent at a more advanced age, i might be the one to say 
stop...but until i have to face that personally, i can't say...my own opinion, 
if the family seems fairly emotionally stable, why not let them stay...sure, it 
puts a damper on the sick humor we as
 healthcare providers seem to find in times of stress(and there's nothing wrong 
with that...it is a way of venting stress, and i am sure each one of us can 
recall a comment or joke during a code that non-medicals would find 
inappropriate, but helped us get through a rough time)...so i suggest that we 
not judge each other personally in this thread, especially if you have never 
been on the other side...and even if you have been on the other side, please 
give us who haven't, the benefit of the doubt, we only want what is best for our 
patients and their families...a goal we all share...
Lee

Ronald Gross <Rgross at harthosp.org> wrote:
I challenge any healthcare 
provider to honestly say they would not want to be present during the 
resuscitation of their husband, wife, son or daughter.

I, for one, would never be there if it were my family, I can tell you this from 
very personal experiences with my late wife. She understood, and she agreed - in 
fact she thought that there was NO ROLE for family in treatment rooms - those 
rooms are for patients and healthcare givers, period.
RIG


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